Promises, Promises…

“I just can’t do this anymore. I’m moving out.”

Never even crossed my mind. 

Wait. Don’t leave. Read on...

Before Debbie and I were engaged, I had already promised myself to her. Engagement signified our commitment. Marriage confirmed our commitment. Our life (1975-2020) demonstrated our commitment. 

A commitment is a promise, but it is more than a promise. It is a promise that comes with an obligation. In one of my school yearbooks, you can find “a man’s word is his bond.” A bond is a guarantee. The king of Siam reminded the schoolteacher that a “promise is [a] promise.” To that beautiful young girl who became my bride I made a promise, and I never doubted I would keep my promise. 

I’m not going to lie. Life was hard, and sometimes beyond hard. Early in our marriage, Debbie’s body foreshadowed difficulties. Within a handful of years, UCLA confirmed a major problem, possibly multiple sclerosis (eventually a major cause of her death). Cancer, lupus, immune system deficiency, and three dozen other issues tormented Debbie on and off or throughout her life. Her body never had a “good” day. Never though did I think of breaking my promise to that beautiful young girl. I did not tell her, “I know life is tough for you, but it’s tough for me too. I need to take care of myself!” 

Many people have told me that most other men would have left their sick wives. To them I have replied, “We made a promise to each other. God brought us together.” To which they often replied, “Yeah, but…”

Before you start thinking I am a wonderful guy, please stop. The only reason Debbie and I kept our promises to each other may seem absurdly simple to some, but the reason is nevertheless true: we loved a wonderful God. I don’t know how I could have coped or rejoiced without my Savior to “unload on” for strength and support when the stresses seemed insurmountable, which at times they did. 

Perhaps I speak in mysteries to you when I talk about loving and unloading in regard to a wonderful God. Nobel Prize winner John Nash observed, “It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found.” He referenced love, faith, and commitment through his decades-long health challenges. Let me go beyond Professor Nash’s inspirational words, however, for he did not touch on the biblical aspects of faith, love, and commitment. 

The “mysterious equations” (as Nash’s story reveals) involve faith. Coincidentally, the Bible also necessitates faith: “Without faith it is impossible to please him [God].” From youth and at the beginning of my relationship with Debbie, I placed my faith (trust) in a God I could not see, yet a God who is as real as the life-giving air I breathe. A result of a vibrant, faith relationship with the God who is love is love -- enduring love, long-suffering love. That kind of Divine love enables you and me to keep promises, for keeping promises is consistent with the unchanging nature of God Himself. 

Long story short: I did grow tired. I did feel stress. And I continually “dumped on” — openly poured out my heart to God, and He sustained me every time I asked help over our forty years of health trials. God never quit on me. 

I didn’t move out. I didn’t quit. I stayed. I learned to love. Thank God for His help, but I need Him now as much as any time before Debbie left this world. Thank God for what I learned, yet I have so much more to know of Him. 

What then is my key to remaining faithful, to keeping promises? 

As long as I keep breathing the “air” of God’s love, I can “vow and pay,” I can keep my promises to God and to others. 

(Next: What is love?)