Love, Briefly...

Love. So simple, yet so complicated. I am not setting out to write a book on love -- there must be hundreds you could choose. However, I am setting out to write a little about the deepest definition of love I experienced in my life with Debbie: self-sacrifice. 

In order for me to meet the needs of my beloved wife, there could be no room for selfishness. Note that I did not say there could be no room for self, for my suffering wife made it clear I must take time for myself. What I am referring to is selfishness, a self-pity that could blind me to seeing and subsequently satisfying the needs of my cherished one. 

When frustrations hit (and they did), I (continually) had to ask myself “Why am I upset?” I had to focus on my heart, on my motives, on my will. I had to ask myself if my frustration were something that needed attention immediately, or could it wait? Nearly without exception, my frustration concerned a desire that could indeed have waited. 

While I thought of my precious Bride who did not choose illness and pain, I almost instantly softened. Love took over. Frustration fled, and tenderness triumphed. Bitterness could not bully its way into my life and anchor itself in my heart. God’s grace guarded my mind and my mouth and assuaged any anger that would indefinitely injure the precious treasure God had given me.  

Where do I find the basis for what I write about love? The Bible. The Apostle Paul’s First Letter to the Church at Corinth, Chapter Thirteen. Jesus Himself. 

Love. The sweetest definition I can give you is self-sacrifice. Once I gave up my will and let God have His way in my heart, the power and peace came. Love prevailed.

Promises, Promises…

“I just can’t do this anymore. I’m moving out.”

Never even crossed my mind. 

Wait. Don’t leave. Read on...

Before Debbie and I were engaged, I had already promised myself to her. Engagement signified our commitment. Marriage confirmed our commitment. Our life (1975-2020) demonstrated our commitment. 

A commitment is a promise, but it is more than a promise. It is a promise that comes with an obligation. In one of my school yearbooks, you can find “a man’s word is his bond.” A bond is a guarantee. The king of Siam reminded the schoolteacher that a “promise is [a] promise.” To that beautiful young girl who became my bride I made a promise, and I never doubted I would keep my promise. 

I’m not going to lie. Life was hard, and sometimes beyond hard. Early in our marriage, Debbie’s body foreshadowed difficulties. Within a handful of years, UCLA confirmed a major problem, possibly multiple sclerosis (eventually a major cause of her death). Cancer, lupus, immune system deficiency, and three dozen other issues tormented Debbie on and off or throughout her life. Her body never had a “good” day. Never though did I think of breaking my promise to that beautiful young girl. I did not tell her, “I know life is tough for you, but it’s tough for me too. I need to take care of myself!” 

Many people have told me that most other men would have left their sick wives. To them I have replied, “We made a promise to each other. God brought us together.” To which they often replied, “Yeah, but…”

Before you start thinking I am a wonderful guy, please stop. The only reason Debbie and I kept our promises to each other may seem absurdly simple to some, but the reason is nevertheless true: we loved a wonderful God. I don’t know how I could have coped or rejoiced without my Savior to “unload on” for strength and support when the stresses seemed insurmountable, which at times they did. 

Perhaps I speak in mysteries to you when I talk about loving and unloading in regard to a wonderful God. Nobel Prize winner John Nash observed, “It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found.” He referenced love, faith, and commitment through his decades-long health challenges. Let me go beyond Professor Nash’s inspirational words, however, for he did not touch on the biblical aspects of faith, love, and commitment. 

The “mysterious equations” (as Nash’s story reveals) involve faith. Coincidentally, the Bible also necessitates faith: “Without faith it is impossible to please him [God].” From youth and at the beginning of my relationship with Debbie, I placed my faith (trust) in a God I could not see, yet a God who is as real as the life-giving air I breathe. A result of a vibrant, faith relationship with the God who is love is love -- enduring love, long-suffering love. That kind of Divine love enables you and me to keep promises, for keeping promises is consistent with the unchanging nature of God Himself. 

Long story short: I did grow tired. I did feel stress. And I continually “dumped on” — openly poured out my heart to God, and He sustained me every time I asked help over our forty years of health trials. God never quit on me. 

I didn’t move out. I didn’t quit. I stayed. I learned to love. Thank God for His help, but I need Him now as much as any time before Debbie left this world. Thank God for what I learned, yet I have so much more to know of Him. 

What then is my key to remaining faithful, to keeping promises? 

As long as I keep breathing the “air” of God’s love, I can “vow and pay,” I can keep my promises to God and to others. 

(Next: What is love?)

New Life Chapters: Who? What? Why?

A writer is a brave soul. So is a teacher. I am an experienced teacher who doubles as an inexperienced writer. Even as I a teacher risk when I speak in front of students, I likewise risk when I write in public. 

My blog is Labins Life Lessons. What I share is what I have lived, what I have said, what I have thought. I share my perspectives. Perspectives are as varied as people and are thus prone to controversy; nevertheless, I write personally and openly because of my purpose. What is my purpose? To help people, to point people Heavenward for help and hope. I am not brave, but I will write. I am driven by my Purpose. 

By the way...

You may find my abundant alliterations annoyances, so if you read my work, you will need to nudge aside those nuisances. 

Why am I writing after so few prior blog entries?

My wife of 42 years, 8 months left Earth for Heaven on November 11, 2020. Debbie forever shall be my life's greatest treasure, and I miss her deeply. For over five weeks I have posted brief steps of my grief and growth on social media, and with the encouragement of a few friends, I am bravely branching out with some humbly and modestly developed devotionals and reflections to strengthen other souls, I pray.